IBD
IBD & dating
I am about to start dating again, & I’m really nervous. My body is completely cut up & I have an ileostomy. I’m so worried won’t take me due to physical illness & all the baggage I come with. Any suggestions ?
IBDLyfe Favorite
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Get it girrrrll!!
I'm a firm believer that people who are worth your time will follow your lead. If you approach your body/life/health from a positive or neutral stand point, they will too. If you talk about it with shame or fear, they will pick up on that.
Your baggage is what makes you a unique person and don't forget that "healthy" people have their own baggage too. Just because their bodies might be free of disease doesn't mean their lives or past doesn't have their own version of "disease".
I think that was the best lesson I had to learn was that my "issues" may not be the same as other people's but we all have our issues.
Just remember YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN.
Everything that Jackie said!!!
If someone won't take you as you are with all of your "baggage," do you really want to be with that person anyway?? When I was dating (married now), I found that IBD was my jerk filter. Anyone who wasn't okay with it wasn't worth my time, so I just cut them out right away.
I also came to the conclusion that every single person has their thing (or usually, lots of things) that can be called baggage, just like Jackie said. The way I saw it was that IBD was my thing, and frankly, that's not so bad. Having Crohn's has made me a stronger and more empathetic person, and those are things that I think make for a good partner. So, if anything, there are also some positives that come with having IBD "baggage," and I think that's worth celebrating. Your scars prove that you're strong and have a fighting spirit; that's a powerful thing.
If you look at the bottom of the post, you should see a "reply" button.
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Thanks you guys. I have a lot to work on. By the way, how do I comment on individual posts?
Jackie and Katelyn are right on! That's been my experience, too.
The more you accept yourself as you are, the more people with accept you as you are, and then it makes it even easier to accept yourself. It's a nice feedback loop. You just have to do the work to get ok with how you are and how your body it.
There may have been men who weren't interested in me for any number of reasons, by I never felt like my ostomy or scars were a part of it. I am stronger and as, Katelyn said, more empathetic than I ever was before getting sick. I like myself better, flaws and all.
You have something special to offer the world and a partner. Don't let anyone treat you badly, and be proud of who you are and what you bring to the party.