Care Partner of Adult
Managing Parental Worry
My son is in his early 20s and I do not live with him, so he is therefore responsible for his own health maintenance (though his father still pays for his health insurance). But I watch him NOT taking care of himself the way I taught him to regarding managing his UC symptoms and overall health. I am well aware of a parent's need to step back and let children become self-sufficient grownups who can manage themselves, but what do I do if I believe he is hurting himself by not practicing good dietary habits (like he used to when I had a say)? I worry that the repurcussions of his irresponsiblity will fall on my shoulders when he needs medical care that requires support from a caregiver, and we do not even live in the same state anymore.
Any advice?
1 - 4 of 4 Replies
Patient
I dealt with IBD as a young man and understand how difficult it can be. Happy to have a conversation with him if that's helpful. Having "friends" who empathize can be a great resource...
Care Partner of Adult
I do appreciate your offer to chat with him, but he is not on this site or willing to talk with strangers. He also suffers mental illness and autism specrum disorder. So I suppose I really pose these questions for myself, for feedback from others on how to manage my own worry, if that makes sense.
Patient
I have a friend of mine who is in a similar situation with her son. He's grown and isn't doing all the things that she would be helping him with if he still lived at home.
I'm sure is very difficult to be a bystander this way because all you want to do is prevent his potential pain and complications. I don't feel like there is a right answer here. Sure you have to let him live his life, and even learn a little consequences from not taking care of himself but you also don't want to just step away completely.
It's always ok to love and care for your kids no matter their age. I think its always ok to voice concerns and continue to offer advice and that's probably as involved as you can be unless he asks for more support.
Care Partner of Adult
I suppose the serenity prayer is something I should put to use here. ;-)